Eternally Yours
by x-backtoblack-x
Summary: "I'm glad we stopped pretending we weren't in love. I'm glad we got to spend these last sixty years together. Sometimes I get so mad thinking of how unfair it is that you're going to go before me because a lifetime is meant to be a lifetime and this just doesn't seem like one to me."


14th February 2072

Dear Chloe,

They say time's running out for us Chloe and I don't really know what to make of that. You've been slipping away for a while now but I think it's only recently I've been letting myself believe it. I've been saying to myself "don't let her go today" for about a month now, but today I mean it just that bit more…

This day is our day. I know every couple will claim that, but I've spent the last sixty Valentine's Day's with you and all I really want is one more.

Anyway, the doctors said the best thing to do is to talk about memories we have, but I've never been good at talking so I decided to write this to you instead.

Our first Valentine's Day together we weren't a couple. I wanted to be with you, but I was still that awkward alt girl with one to many piercings and an attitude to match, or so everyone thought (everyone but you that is).

Even though I tried to ignore you, you still managed to become my friend, my best friend. You wore me down and found out all my little quirks without me even knowing and you came to my door that evening out of the blue, and do you remember what you said to me?

"Beca Mitchell let me into that dorm. I figure it's better for us to spend Valentine's alone together than alone apart… so step aside."

You always did know how to get through to me (though I never liked to admit that to you).

It was that night I learned you were a cuddler too. We were half ways through a Game of Thrones marathon (I will admit, I was pretty shocked when you claimed that to be your favourite TV show) and I think it was me that fell asleep first? Now when I fell asleep let me make this clear, we were not cuddling, or hugging, or even holding hands… When I woke up? Well that's a whole other story.

You'd practically coiled yourself around me. I woke up and your flame red hair was spread out across my chest, your arms were slung over my waist, your legs were tangled in mine and you know what makes it worse? My arms were around you too, as if I was pulling you closer!

I didn't try and pull away though. I just stayed as still as I could and watched you sleep. I still like to watch you sleep when I can. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, and when you're asleep I'm reminded of that even more. I think it was then that I realized I was in love with you for the first time, and I suppose in spite of the odd bump I haven't looked back since.

For our second Valentine's Day together we were a couple… well, kind of.

You'd had to move an hour away to get the teaching job you wanted so we didn't see that much of each other and I still had my "divorced parents" issues so even though we'd been going out for five months I still wouldn't commit.

We'd even fought about it the day before, remember? The first of many fights when I'd wind you up so much you'd storm out (I am sorry for each and every one of those by the way).

I actually wasn't sure you'd turn up to the restaurant, but you did. You were ten minutes late, but you still showed up. You were still mad actually, and I was of course still huffy that you'd pushed me on the issue when you knew how I felt.

I was huffy, but I wasn't stupid. You brought it up again, and I think you were expecting another fight, but you didn't get one. Instead I handed you a piece of paper, you remember what it said?

_Beca's Promises to Chloe_

_I promise to watch movies with you even though I hate them._

_I promise to hold your hand in public even though I hate PDA's._

_I promise to sing to you when you ask, and to do duets with you when we have karaoke nights with the Bellas._

_I promise to make more of an effort to be nice to Aubrey… she is after all your best friend._

_I promise to allow you to borrow my headphones – as long as you're careful._

_I promise to mention you in the credits of all my mixes now, and when I'm super famous, because you're my inspiration._

_I promise to try my best to make you smile all the time because I hate fighting with you and because your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world (except maybe your eyes)._

_I promise to never leave you for LA._

_I promise to sort through all my relationship issues and be with you forever._

_I promise to love you for the rest of our lives, though that shouldn't be difficult because to me you're perfect._

I was so embarrassed when you cried in the middle of a restaurant full of people. I didn't mind so much once you kissed me though. If I think really hard I can still taste the saltiness of the kiss you know?

On our fourth Valentine's Day you popped the question. Thinking back I'm so glad you did because I'd never have plucked up the courage to do it. At the time however I wasn't so thrilled. I was _so _sure you were breaking up with me!

You'd been acting weird for like two weeks and kept sneaking off to have long conversations with Aubrey that I was under no circumstances allowed to hear. Then when I tried to book us a table you insisted that we just stay at home instead because you weren't in the mood for big groups of people.

That really scared me. I mean in the four years I'd known you I don't think I'd ever seen you shy away from a social situation… ever. I actually remember sitting on the phone and crying to Jesse like a loser because we'd just signed a two year lease on our apartment and I was convinced it was over… lame, I know.

Anyway, turns out my pessimistic mind hadn't even considered thinking that just maybe you wanted to propose to me instead of break up with me. You even had the cheek to laugh at me when I admitted what I thought was going on.

I'll never forget what you said to me when you got down on one knee in the middle of our cramped little living room, with me sitting on the seat still half scared you were going to kick me out.

"A lot of people would say you're not the easiest person in the world to love Beca, and to be honest, sometimes I can't help but agree with them. You're a little to anti-social sometimes and I'm constantly afraid our kids will grow up to hate films just like you, yet oddly enough that hasn't put me off you. When we met at that activates fair I knew instantly that I needed you in my life. When we had our run in that day in the shower I knew I wanted you in my life as more than a friend. That first Valentine's Day we spent together four years ago when you fell asleep by my side was when I knew I was falling in love with you. Now here I am, four and a half years after that first time we met, letting you know that I can't live without you Beca. You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me happy, and goddammit you make me furious sometimes. You make me feel. You make me feel in a way I never thought possible, and I want to feel that way for the rest of my life because I'm convinced it's what true love feels like."

Needless to say we were both crying by the end of that little speech. (I of course said yes).

Our eight Valentine's Day together was when we were supposed to get married. We'd just moved to New York though so you could accept a job as headmistress of a Middle School and I could start working for a new record label so we decided to wait a few months.

In the end we married in the fall. Aside from the obvious, what I remember best about that day was the way the leaves drifting from the trees outside the chapel were the same auburn as your hair.

Our tenth Valentine's together was a rough one to say the least. That was the day you went into labour with Sophie. Sweet divine I will never be able to express how glad I was for you to not be pregnant anymore! I mean you know I love you but wow, you were the most hormonal pregnant lady in the world.

The labour was thirteen hours. I'm pretty sure Aubrey nearly went into labour in the waiting room she was that nervous about you (I'll still never understand how you both managed to get pregnant within a month of one another… Though I'm convinced it was all part of some master plan that involved you wanting Sophie to marry Aubrey's son Tom. As with any plans you and Aubrey conjure it worked.).

She was 7 pounds 6 ounces when she finally screeched her way into this world. You finally broke the death grip you had on my hand when the doctors said you could hold her.

She was perfect, just like her mom.

Huge blue eyes and little tufts of ginger already on her head. I'll never forget how small she was. You joked she was even smaller than I was so I think you were shocked by how tiny she was as well. I was so afraid I'd fuck her up but you convinced me I wouldn't. You were great anyway, so I knew with you as a mother she'd turn out fine in the end.

Our twentieth Valentine's Day also happened to be Sophie's tenth birthday extravaganza. I swear a tiny part of me still resents you for what you put me through that day. First you and Aubrey took Sophie out shopping for the day and left me with Adam – who was going through that phase apparently all six year olds go through where shooting stuff is the only thing they want to do – and Harmony – who of course was teething.

I just about managed to survive that. Then of course Sophie – who apparently adopted her mother's popular and lovable personality as well as her looks – invited half of Long Island to her birthday (pretty sure I still haven't caught up on sleep from the two days it took me to clean up that mess).

Really I'm just glad Adam was more into music than friends (I knew one of them had to be like me) and Harmony just wanted to be outdoors all the time (where we got her I'll never know).

Our fortieth Valentine's together was the first time since our tenth that we had the entire day free from the kids. We both claimed to enjoy it, but I heard you on the phone that evening asking Sophie how her party was going – even though you promised me you wouldn't interrupt her thirtieth birthday celebration. I didn't admit to you at the time, but when you were on the phone I called Adam even though I knew he was in the middle of DJ-ing a club and I text Harmony as well even though she was probably asleep because she was on that exchange to Europe at the time.

Still, it eventually got easier without them being there. I think our forty-seventh Valentine's together was the first one since our tenth we _actually _enjoyed. The kids all chipped in and sent us to that log cabin for the weekend. You remember what you said when you got there?

"Beca, honey, I think we've just found our heaven."

Our fifty-sixth Valentine was the last good one we had. I'm glad it was one you remember though because it was the day Harmony had her second little girl, Eva, and the day our family stopped growing (well, I'm sure there'll be great grandkids someday, but I doubt we'll be around for that).

I still keep that photo on the shelf beside our wedding photo. You're holding Eva and I'm holding Mark (Adam's youngest, just in case you can't remember). Sophie and Tom's twins, Jake and Ryan, are towering above everyone behind us; with Elle tucked between them (you'll be glad to know they're still just as protective of their little sister). Adam's daughter Lucy's sitting at our feet and of course Harmony's daughter Rachel's joined to her hip (they always were more like sisters than cousins).

I'd rather not talk about the Valentine's Day's after that but just know even though you weren't always 100% there with me I still loved every minute I spent with you, and to her credit Aubrey always made sure I was okay as well.

I know we always said we'd die in our own bed some night, old and grey and happy, but please just don't hate me for you ending up here instead. After I fell last year I just couldn't look after you anymore Chloe… I just couldn't. The kids all offered to help but it's not fair on them. It's not fair that they put their lives on hold to care for us two.

I visit you all the time. You don't always know I'm here but sometimes you do. It's them times that are worth it for me. I see the smile on your face when I walk in and it's like we're eighteen again. It's like we're eighteen lying under the blankets in my dorm watching Game of Thrones and trying to pretend we're not falling madly in love with one another.

I'm glad we stopped pretending though. I'm glad we got to spend these last sixty years together. I know we probably won't make it to sixty-one and I wish that didn't have to happen. Sometimes I get so mad thinking of how unfair it is that you're going to go before me. I know that may seem childish and selfish of me, but it's not fair that sixty years is all I'm going to get, because a lifetime is meant to be a lifetime and this just… this just doesn't seem like one to me.

Still though, for the most part I've come to accept this. Accept this as the Autumn of our lives together. It's fitting really. When I think of you I think of Autumn. I think of the way the leaves that fell were all the colour of your auburn hair. That makes it easier. That makes the thought of your death that little more bearable because I know we've lived the best life. We've lived the sixty best years we could and I don't regret a single second I spent with you. Ups, downs, and all the in between times. Each one of them was perfect. Each memory created will stay with me forever, even though they haven't stayed with you.

I may not stay with you forever Chloe, and that's not your fault, it's the dementias. You'll stay with me though. I swear to it. You will live on forever Chloe Beale, in my heart, in our children and grandchildren's hearts, and in the hearts of all the people that've listened over the years to every single song I produced because of you.

Happy Valenitne's Day Chloe.

Eternally yours; Beca.


End file.
